Another goodbye

I’m so. F@$&ing. Tired. Of watching my friends die.
 
Choo (aka Harry) joined the CF Discord server way back towards the beginning, and was a core member. He was an absolute gem of a human and I don’t think anyone had a bad word to say about him. He took it upon himself to keep track of anytime anyone in the server mentioned their birthday or transplant anniversary, and would make sure to give them public well wishes on their special days. He also loved sending cards and other gifts to anyone who was interested, and finding my annual birthday and lungiversary cards in the mail always made me smile.
 
Choo got his news lungs just over 2 years ago. Just last year we commiserated (again) about how hard it was watching so many of our post-transplant friends struggle and die while we were both doing really well. There’s a channel in the server for transplant talk, and it was depressing watching it get less and less active over the years. We were both grateful to at least have one other successful transplant recipient in the server to talk to.
 
It all started with a cold in January. It snowballed into multiple infections, and rejection, and all kinds of other terrible things. It’s been awful watching him go so quickly from doing so well to suffering terribly for weeks. His battle ended Friday morning, April 10th.
 
March 31^st was the 1 year anniversary of Cam’s death. April 7^th was the 1 year anniversary of losing Scarz. April 15^th will mark 2 years since Ashley’s passing. And now Choo has been added to this absolutely horrible time of year. All of them were post-transplant.
 
Being friends with fellow CFers has always been a double edged sword. We can understand and support each other like no one else. I can drop in there and vent without needing to give background info, or crack jokes about terrible things that would horrify other people, or help guide someone through a medical experience that I’m familiar with but they haven’t dealt with yet. We also spend a lot of time just hanging out and chatting and joking around without even thinking about our crazy medical lives. It’s a wonderful place, and I’m grateful that I found it. But, as one of my friends once said to me, “the sad part about living as long as you and I have, is having to see others go before us.” Being friends with CFers also means, sometimes, losing those friends. And it’s horrible and unfair and infuriating and tragic every. Single. Time.
 
I miss you Choo. We were supposed to be the successful ones who gave hope to the other lung transplant recipients. It’s a heavy burden to bear by myself, but I’ll do my best to keep living a good life… for both of us.

 
PS Please send out prayers and positive vibes to another friend of mine, Kyle, who is currently clinging to life waiting for a lung transplant.