As the world burns

My country is burning, and I don’t know what to do.

I mostly avoid posting about current events or politics – partially due to mental and physical exhaustion, partially because it feels like an exercise in futility. But the current situation is so profound that it feels wrong to be silent. Silence is complicity, and I refuse to be complicit.

It’s so easy for those of us who are insulated from or unaffected by racial discrimination to point fingers and decry the violence that has erupted. But did we also decry the violence that brought things to this boiling point? Did we also take a stand against lifetimes of inequality and oppression, and one senseless death after the next? Why is it only NOW that so many people suddenly feel the need to speak up and condemn? I certainly don’t agree with violent riots, but part of me definitely understands them. It’s very nice to talk about peaceful protests, but people have been protesting peacefully for decades, and little has changed. When peaceful protests are ignored, violent protests follow. Violence is tragic, but it certainly forces an immediate response.

At the same time, it’s extremely frustrating to watch the narrative get hijacked. I watched the news tonight, and most of the reporting focused on looting and vandalism, while the actual protests and the cause they champion seemed to fade into the background. It’s infuriating that activists who are actually seeking justice are being ignored in favor of individuals who are simply using the cause as an excuse to sow chaos for their own personal gain.

I look at the world, and I feel a terrible hopeless cynicism. The problems are so big, so deeply entrenched, that they feel insurmountable. I despair when I see the chasms dividing our country, how quick people are to villainize and discredit everyone they disagree with, how little effort there is to open real dialogue and attempt to build bridges. Even as the country burns, I still can’t see change happening. I just see everyone backing further into their corners and doubling down on everything they already believe. I watch and I wonder how long we can go on like this, how much more we can withstand before society collapses into irreparable lawless chaos.

The world is sick, and I feel the need to do something to help heal it. But I also feel small and helpless, immobilized by my limitations. I can barely leave my apartment, much less go to protests or join in community work. So I watch, and despair, and pray that someone else will do the work for me. And soon even that will become too much, so I’ll close my eyes again, and turn away from the pain and tragedies that I am currently powerless change.

I will retreat back into silence, but it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I care too much.