Five Feet Apart reaction

I have both a written response as well as a long YouTube reaction video. There’s some overlap between them, but they are not exactly the same. Both responses, however, are FULL of spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to be spoiled, steer clear of this post!

Well, I did it. I saw Five Feet Apart.

I went into it unsure to what degree I was going to be a nitpicky pest, and to what degree I was going to be completely traumatized. I was actually expecting to fall more on the traumatized side, since I was pretty traumatized just watching the girl huff and puff around with her oxygen tank in The Fault in Our Stars, and she didn’t even have CF. But I went anyway, because I really wanted to be able to have an informed opinion.

I figured it might be easier and/or more fun to do this with a crew, so Katherine and I met my mom and some friends at the theater and we had our own little watch party. I also knew the chances of encountering another CF patient in the theater was highly likely, thus raising our cross infection risks, which I thought was hilariously ironic considering that cross infection is the basis of the entire movie. So I committed to being a full on freak by not only wearing a mask and using hand sanitizer, but also literally spraying down my chair with Lysol. I then unintentionally upped the freak factor due to my lungs taking an unexpected vacation that day. I was struggling to maintain my oxygen level even while using the oxygen concentrator, so I got to slowly and painfully drag my way up the stairs and collapse gasping into my theater seat. If there is a single person in that theater who did not realize that I have CF, it absolutely is not my fault. I promise I did my very best to look the part.

There were definitely things that they really got right. The various treatments and procedures that we deal with and the intensity of the standard CF regimen was absolutely accurate. Moving into your hospital room and making it home, as well as the feeling of missing out on life experiences due to illness and hospitalizations, were absolutely things I could identify with. Some of the emotional struggles did hit home for me: the way your health struggles impact your loved ones, being afraid to expose the people you love to the misery that you go through, struggling to find a balance between living your life versus trying to stay alive… Those were the moments when it was very sobering to see some of my own thoughts and experiences playing out on screen. And of course, the struggle of being emotionally close with someone who you’re never allowed to be physically close to is a harsh reality of CF. I know the feeling of literally talking to a friend through glass because that was the closest we could get to each other. It’s extremely frustrating to be unable to hang out with the people who understand you the most because you could literally kill each other. I’m grateful that by the time they realized the risks of cross infection and started keeping CF patients away from each other, the internet was becoming a thing and I was able to make some connections that way. But still, nothing will ever be able to replace in-person contact.

Given all that, however, I ended up leaving the movie feeling pretty meh. Part of the problem is that there were a lot of inaccuracies throughout the movie, and they kept destroying my immersion and impeding my connection to the story. For example, one of my pet peeves is when characters in TV and movies run around on supplemental oxygen like it’s nothing. I wish I could get my hands on one of those magical movie oxygen concentrators that instantly turn you into a fully functional human being! But alas, using supplemental oxygen does not suddenly solve all your problems. Needing supplemental oxygen means that your lungs are really struggling to do basic lung tasks, so you’ll still be moving at least a little slower and at times will continue to be varying degrees of out of breath. Like I said, I gasped my way up the stairs and into my seat, and it took several minutes for me to stop feeling like I was suffocating, even WITH supplemental oxygen. It drives me crazy when characters run around with their oxygen without a care in the world, because it is SUCH an easy fix! Just slow down a little, breathe a little heavier, and recognize that your character will have more limited stamina and endurance. I was VERY surprised to see that even this movie fell into the magical oxygen concentrator trap, and it kept pulling me out of the story.

Additionally, for someone who was supposed to be on the verge of lung transplant, Stella did not appear anywhere near sick enough. I was pretty shocked when they got the new lungs call, because until then I wasn’t even sure she was on the transplant list, and if she was I assumed she was way further down. One of the factors for where you fall on the transplant list, in addition to factors like geography (organs can only travel so far) and blood type, is how sick you are. The sickest people go to the top of the list, because their need is more immediate and they are more likely to die without it. By the time you hit the top of the lung transplant list, you are in BAD shape. Whereas Stella actually seemed to be doing better than I am, and I’m not even close to being listed yet. It’s kind of funny to think that all the viewers who are unfamiliar with CF probably think Stella seemed horribly, desperately ill, while I’m sitting here like meh, I’ve seen worse. Welcome to Cystic Fibrosis!

Of course there were silly things like the incredibly luxurious hospital with shockingly lax regulations, but I could mostly overlook that. I wish there had been more trademark CF coughing – I definitely coughed more during the movie than either of the actors – but that’s also a minor nitpick. I spent a great deal of the movie being HIGHLY ANXIOUS about their lack of masks (PLEASE STOP YOU’RE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS AAAAAH!), but I can definitely see people playing fast and loose when it comes to contact precautions even if they shouldn’t. Hell, I’ve had my own fair share of flagrantly breaking the rules when I was young and dumb(er). The truth is, I could mostly overlook all the inaccuracies I’ve mentioned so far, and I did for most of the movie. For about the first two thirds of the movie, my general impression was that they really got some things right, that they did ok with a bunch of other stuff, and that the movie wasn’t great but it was passable.

And then things went off the rails.

First there was Poe. I’m not a heartless monster, I cried, it was super sad! But, it was also unrealistic, which once again took me out of the story. It is not typical for CF patients to suddenly drop dead out of nowhere, particularly not from a pneumothorax. Pneumothorax means collapsed lung, and that actually is something that can happen to CF patients out of nowhere. However, it’s typically either one lung or a part of one lung, and it’s not an instant death sentence. People can actually walk around for days not realizing that’s the reason for all their pain and misery before getting treatment. As far as I know, a spontaneous full double lung collapse is EXTREMELY unlikely. But in addition to that, in general Cystic Fibrosis is not a quick killer. Dying from CF is a long, slow, agonizing process for everyone involved. You won’t know exactly when the person is going to die, you may not expect it that very day, but you will very much know that death is a possibility and that it’s coming sooner than later. The more I thought about Poe’s death, the angrier I got, because it took the very real pain and fear of watching our friends die and turned it into cheap Hollywood drama to propel the story while wringing more tears out of the audience. So many of us have watched friends die. I’ve watched friends die. It’s a unique sort of excruciating to watch someone you care about die from the thing that will probably eventually kill you too. It’s impossible to describe the pain and fear of seeing your own future played out before your eyes while losing a friend in the process. But all that agony was overlooked for one cheap moment of sudden, unexpected drama. I’m not okay with that. That’s the one part of the movie that actually ended up offending me.

And then, of course, the ice scene. That was the point at which the drama was just too unnecessarily over the top and pretty much ruined the movie for me. First of all, again, no way patients at that stage of lung disease are walking two miles, up a hill, on a cold snowy night. But from that point on the drama was just non-stop: She’s getting new lungs! She’s ignoring the call, even though up until this moment she was all about new lungs! She’s falling off the bridge! Oh wait, she’s fine – OH WAIT, she’s not, the ice broke and she’s drowning! He can’t get her out! He CAN get her out, but she’s not breathing, and he has to break all the cross infection protocols to give her mouth to mouth! It didn’t work – wait, it DID work! But now HE’S dead! Oh wait, no he isn’t. Quick, rush everyone back and get that lung transplant!!

Too. Damn. Much. Even the teenage girls sitting behind me were groaning. When even teenage girls think something is over the top, you’ve DEFINITELY gone too far.

So that was my breaking point. I could have overlooked and forgiven a lot until then, but once they went full on off the rails rapid fire gratuitous Hollywood drama, I was done. And sadly, that then colored my impression of the rest of the movie, and only made all the previous inaccuracies stand out even more.

For me, the part that makes it all so frustrating is that they were so close. They did get so many things right, and they really did try. It would only have taken a few tweaks to save things. I can see the possibility in there for a great story that just didn’t quite manifest, and I find that even more upsetting than if it had been awful from beginning to end. I’m disappointed precisely BECAUSE they tried so hard and came so close. From what I've heard, everyone involved in the movie did genuinely have a great deal of respect for the CF community and wanted to do us justice. I have no ill will towards any of them! I just wish they had hit the mark more.

I know there are many other CFers who did connect to this movie and feel represented by it, and I’m genuinely happy for them! I don’t begrudge anyone their opinion, and I actually would love to talk to CFers who enjoyed the movie and hear why it worked for them and what they gained from it. It’s also entirely possible that I’m just a cranky curmudgeon who’s too old and cynical for teenage romance dramas, and that the movie was perfect for its target demographic. I hope it does raise the awareness that some people are expecting and brings CF more into mainstream consciousness. If it accomplishes that, I can forgive all its flaws and drama and disappointment.

But I probably won’t be watching it again.