Getting disability benefits from Social Security is a notoriously tedious, drawn out process. So it was with great surprise and tremendous gratitude to Hashem that I discovered, barely 2 months after starting my application, that I have already been approved and my first payment is in the bank! The first payment from my employer’s long term disability plan also went out today. Between the two of them, I will not only have enough money to pay the bills, but even little extra so I can enjoy the occasional leisure activity without feeling guilty. Baruch Hashem!!!
I had an interesting realization yesterday. I’ve been handling all these medical issues and major life changes remarkably well, and have felt particularly calm since December when I found out that I was approved for long term disability benefits. I have somehow learned to accept the physical limitations and medical uncertainty, and just roll with things as they happen. It occurred to me yesterday, that I don’t know if I could have achieved the same level of emotional well-being if I hadn’t gotten sick. Since I was a teenager, the idea of getting sick and becoming disabled has been my biggest nightmare. I always lived with a certain degree of fear for the future and anxiety about my health. I also had a lot of frustration over how difficult it was to manage my medical issues while also holding down a job and trying to pay the bills. It often felt very unfair to have to push through these daily living tasks that seemed at least twice as hard and took so much out of me.
Now, however, the nightmare has come true: my health has deteriorated, and I can no longer work full-time and support myself. And instead of being terrible and tragic, it’s just… fine. This enormous fear that loomed over me for decades has been revealed as being completely manageable, and I’ve found that life can be full and meaningful even if I’m less-able. If I hadn’t gotten sick, I would still be living with that monster under the bed, waiting for it to jump out and grab me. Instead, I have a renewed faith that everything will be ok, and that I can manage whatever life throws at me. Additionally, I no longer have to force my body into overtaxing tasks in order to support myself. For the first time in forever, I can just BE, listening to my body and taking care of myself without worrying about other responsibilities. It’s so wonderful to finally have a break.
In a bizarre twist, being sick has finally allowed me to have peace of mind. Who knew?
I had an interesting realization yesterday. I’ve been handling all these medical issues and major life changes remarkably well, and have felt particularly calm since December when I found out that I was approved for long term disability benefits. I have somehow learned to accept the physical limitations and medical uncertainty, and just roll with things as they happen. It occurred to me yesterday, that I don’t know if I could have achieved the same level of emotional well-being if I hadn’t gotten sick. Since I was a teenager, the idea of getting sick and becoming disabled has been my biggest nightmare. I always lived with a certain degree of fear for the future and anxiety about my health. I also had a lot of frustration over how difficult it was to manage my medical issues while also holding down a job and trying to pay the bills. It often felt very unfair to have to push through these daily living tasks that seemed at least twice as hard and took so much out of me.
Now, however, the nightmare has come true: my health has deteriorated, and I can no longer work full-time and support myself. And instead of being terrible and tragic, it’s just… fine. This enormous fear that loomed over me for decades has been revealed as being completely manageable, and I’ve found that life can be full and meaningful even if I’m less-able. If I hadn’t gotten sick, I would still be living with that monster under the bed, waiting for it to jump out and grab me. Instead, I have a renewed faith that everything will be ok, and that I can manage whatever life throws at me. Additionally, I no longer have to force my body into overtaxing tasks in order to support myself. For the first time in forever, I can just BE, listening to my body and taking care of myself without worrying about other responsibilities. It’s so wonderful to finally have a break.
In a bizarre twist, being sick has finally allowed me to have peace of mind. Who knew?
