"Let THEM stay home!"

A friend posted a diatribe about those who say “If you are sick stay home,” and how they don’t account for the fact that MANY people don’t have the option to stay home if they want to pay their bills and keep their jobs. I definitely agree with that, and I think it’s terrible that our society prioritizes the employer’s bottom line over protecting the basic health, safety, and well-being of the masses. However, my friend ended by saying that the idea of a person staying home from work because they might be a risk to the elderly and immunocompromised was “preposterous,” and said “Let THEM stay home!” And with that flippant comment I was suddenly smacked in the face with how few people actually understand what it’s like to live with a significant health issue, and how very easy it is for society at large to consider me a disposable outsider.

I stay home. I stay home ALL THE TIME. In fact, my struggle is mustering up the courage to LEAVE home, and deciding how much risk to my physical health is worthwhile to protect my mental health and make life actually worth living. I spend SO MUCH mental energy worrying about infections and coming up with strategies to minimize my risk. I skip so many activities, avoid so many situations, due to living in fear for my health. Then, of course, there are all the times that I have no choice but to leave home for things like doctor’s appointments, or picking up prescriptions, or going food shopping. And I’m luckier than many others, who have to go to work, or who don’t have a car and have to take public transportation. But even if I never left my house, I still couldn’t avoid potential exposure to germs. I don’t exactly live in a hermetically sealed chamber here. Despite my best efforts, I could get sick and die at any time.

Then there are the times that I finally do make the decision to actually leave home for a change. First there’s all the worrying and evaluating and risk assessments that precede the decision. Then there’s all the anxiety that accompanies me during the outing, as I try to minimize my exposure and pay attention to the health of everyone around me, the cringing every time I hear someone cough, the wearing of masks and dousing myself in hand sanitizer. I’m a social person, I get joy and energy from being with friends and socializing with others. I NEED to get out into the world and be with others sometimes if I want to stay sane. But there’s a shadow over every social outing, anxiety every time I leave the house, constant second guessing whether I’m making the right decisions. I can never just relax and fully enjoy myself anymore. It is utterly exhausting.

“Let THEM stay home!” How easy to say when you AREN’T the one staying home! When you aren’t the one trapped inside the same four walls day after day, month after month, because what’s outside those walls may kill you. Yes, I want to stay alive, but just BEING ALIVE is not enough to sustain me. Sometimes I make the choice to allow a certain degree of risk into my life, because these freedoms and interactions are part of the reason I worked so hard to stay alive in the first place. I didn’t go through all the trauma and drama of a double lung transplant to sit inside all day and watch the world pass me by, I did it to LIVE! I’d rather die from a little bit of living than have a long life of safe emptiness.

I don’t expect the world to accommodate me. In fact, I know it won’t, which is why I’m constantly accounting and accommodating for the careless majority. But I don’t believe it’s  unreasonable to think that it would be nice if more people occasionally thought about what it’s like to live life with a health condition or disability, and maybe, just MAYBE made a little effort to accommodate US for a change. Just imagine if people took catching and spreading a cold or the flu as seriously as they’re currently taking the Corona virus. If people were ALWAYS careful to cover their coughs and wash their hands and prevent the spread of infection. The world would be so much safer, not just for me but for everyone! But most people don’t take a cold or the flu seriously, because they have the luxury of knowing they won’t die from it. The fact that there are plenty of people out there who can and DO die from those and other “minor” infections every year apparently doesn’t matter when these people are an invisible minority. Let me tell you, feeling like you’re just a disposable statistic REALLY sucks.

So no, I don’t blame people for going to work while sick when their employers give them no other choice. I think it’s wrong, but I blame the employers, not the employees. At the same time, don’t throw all the onus on people like me to keep ourselves safe. We’re in the minority here, and it’s literally impossible for us to protect ourselves from all of the rest of you. Would it kill people to try to have some awareness and consideration for those of us struggling with health issues, and to make whatever accommodations they can to minimize or prevent the spread of infection? Because I guarantee that not doing so WILL kill some of us.